i feel nostalgic and i feel i have lost so much in long run

my oldest memory of myself is of the day i started going school ,
crying shouting and then droping myself at the school gate ,
me holding my dads index finger , and so many securities in life ,
moms beautiful and doono why so painful eyes,
then i remmeber the day i broke my chin and then that doc who was gonna stich that,
damm him i never agreedi remmber my first 2nd injections of my lifeohh i do remmeber dal lake ,
shikara and that big mountain behind that hospital where i wanted to trek to,
i remmeber my masi place in anantnag , i remmeber the day mom dad went to srinagar in taxi ,
i remmeber the bullet shots , the smell of tear gases ,
the closed window ,
the closed door, i remmber long taxi drive to jammu ,
i remmber little darling pavit ,i remmeber my janipur school ground and all my classrooms ,
the gol guppasi remmeber my school hostel , hostel ground , tubewell, GK Quiz ,
books and authers ,manser to hostel walk , cross country , night long borne fires ,
dancing on oleeeeeee oleeeeeee haha, after lunch class romms,my KV , unit tests ,
my diary , tutuions, my cool college , rocking pals ,
mad and gaga life,sometimes when i am lonely i feel like tracing back those days , tests and vivas , lunch at that dusty ground and morning prayers ,
i feel nostalgic and i feel i have lost so much in long run ,
i feel holding back dreams and my share oh happiness ,
i feel like jumping from the 4th floor of my office building and shouting
" I WANNA LIVE ,
LIVE LIFE,
LIFE OF MY OWN"